my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
