you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
