Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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