Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
