Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
