I feel like abortions should bother me more
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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