When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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