You smell like stripper and shame
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize