Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Randomize
