Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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