you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
