I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
