the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize