it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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