btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
