I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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