barbara walters just said penis...
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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