Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
