It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize