ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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