I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
