dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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