Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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