We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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