I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
