omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
