Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
