The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Randomize
