Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
