If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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