You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
