so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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