I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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