Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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