so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
