I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
