The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
