All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You may now shotgun with the bride
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
