see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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