I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
