I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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