I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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