Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
