I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
two words...techno handjob
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize