the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
