i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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