Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
