I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
