I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
