It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
