did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
