He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
