A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
