we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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