There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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