I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
