u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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