I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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