my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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