whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
