i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
there was a trapeze. enough said
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
