I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
she pinky promised me she was 18
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize