I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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