Do you still have your period?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
