Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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