He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Randomize
