Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
