That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
