omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
