I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize