I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
