He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
