your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
