Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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