i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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