There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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