So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
