Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
