Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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