the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
