it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
