I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
