I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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