He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
