Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
even my farts smell like vagina
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
