Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
